Areas of Practice
Anvil Law
Were you aware that every day, hundreds of cartoons in the Albuquerque area are hit or flattened by falling anvils? Why are there so many anvils? Is there a lot of blacksmithing going on that we don’t know about? And if so, why do these blacksmiths insist on storing their dangerous anvils up so high? The answer: it doesn’t matter. Because whether you’ve been smashed in the skull by an anvil that’s accidentally fallen off the edge of a building, or had an anvil purposely launched at you as a projectile, or if some TNT accidentally blasted an anvil high up into the air and then it just happened to land on you, our team of lawyers is here to help. People of Albuquerque shouldn’t have to always be looking over their shoulder worrying if they’re about to get violently crushed by a falling anvil! Not when Avery, Jones and Maltese has over an 11% success rate in getting our victims of painful anvil crushings PAID!
Electrocutions
Electrocutions are among the most common form of cartoon injury. And also one of the most embarrassing. The high-voltage shock waves coursing through your body, making your skeleton visible to all, and leaving you with an unsightly sooty discoloration. If you’ve been in a high-voltage electrocution, take that sooty finger of yours and dial Avery, Jones and Maltese!
Painted Tunnel Impacts
Perhaps you’ve painted a tunnel onto the side of a mesa wall in order to trick your prey into believing that it’s a real 3 dimensional tunnel. But what happens when your prey runs right into your painting, disappearing into into your painted tunnel, leaving you looking like an imbecile? Naturally, you try to run into the painting as well. But you’re in for a rude awakening when you realize that the tunnel is somehow only 2 dimensional again and you smash into the wall face first, leaving your teeth to fall out one by one. This kind of humiliation can temporarily restrict your ability to make a living in your profession of predator. And we can get you PAID!
Piano Falls
A piano falling on you isn’t just painful, it’s inconvenient. The mouthful of keys. The stars floating above your head. The lump that grows out of the top of your head with the slide whistle sound. The individual teeth in your mouth falling out one by one and making sad little piano sounds. Oh, and then when you see the hospital bill it feels like you’ve been hit by a SECOND falling piano! We know. We started Avery, Jones, and Maltese with piano falls. Put our 12+ years of piano crushing experience to work for you!
Catapult Accidents
